Second Thoughts...

The CP seems to be getting closer and closer and closer every day, and even though I am really excited about it I keep finding myself getting LESS excited about it and more afraid, I guess.

The other day I budgeted out pretty much exactly how I am going to be spending my money from now until I leave for the CP in order to get all of my debts settled by then so that I don't have to worry about any more bills until May. Things are looking pretty tight until then.

And then the other thing is that I am afraid to be in a place so far away for four months. I don't want to not see my family or my friends or especially my boyfriend for all that time. Sure, visits are a possibility, but I know that they won't happen often enough to really keep me happy. And it's not like I will be making enough money to be able to afford a plane ticket to go home and visit if I want to.

I don't even know if I am actually going to be able to SAVE any money to have money to use for the first couple of weeks that I'm there. Just getting there is going to cost a bunch of money...gas, tolls, hotels, food, and not to mention the plane ticket that I have to buy for my boyfriend so that he can get back to Massachusetts after he leaves me all alone in Florida after accompanying me on the road :(

I guess this all sounds really negative. I know that things will probably be fun and awesome once I get there and I will meet people and make friends and everything will probably be fine, but every now and then I will think about doing the CP and start getting really irrationally upset about it and start crying and thinking about how I don't know if I can actually live on my own in Florida for four months. But at the same time, it's only four months and I need to get out of Boston for a little bit and I think it will be an overall good experience.

I just hope that once I get down there, I can make myself STAY down there.